Chefs - the new nurses? (3)

Interesting ABS-CBN news article regarding the most recent “hot” overseas occupation for Filipinos….

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Chefs join nurses, seafarers in RP ‘hot’ jobs list

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by ROSEMARIE FRANCISCO, Reuters | 09/30/2008 11:41 AM

MANILA - The Philippines, which for decades has supplied the world with a steady stream of seafarers, nurses, caregivers and domestic helpers, is now exporting practitioners of a cutting-edge trade: chefs.

“Chefs are the new rock stars now. Everyone wants to be a chef,” said Ian Padilla, a Filipino chef entre metier at Parisian restaurant Taillevent, a Michelin two-star establishment.

“When I started, there were hardly any culinary schools here … And there was no chef, it was just the cook. When I got back, there are culinary schools everywhere,” said Padilla, who came home recently to judge a cooking competition.

In 2000, there was just one culinary school in the Philippines. These days, there are about 400 cooking schools with scores more sprouting up every year across the Southeast Asian island nation.

The enthusiasm with which Filipinos are taking up cooking is not surprising. A global scarcity of cooks and chefs mean that culinary school graduates can earn as much as $4,000 per month working abroad.

That is an astronomical sum of money in a country where the average wage is 10,000 to 15,000 pesos ($214-$321) per month.

Some nine million Filipinos work abroad, often in menial jobs, sending home about $1 billion in remittances that keep the local economy afloat and support the local currency.

With jobless rates at over 7 percent and many hurting from high fuel and food prices, more Filipinos than ever before are seeking jobs abroad.

Nursing has been popular for a long time as Filipino nurses can earn around $1,000 to $4,000 a month working abroad, filling the gap in hospitals in the United States, Europe and the Middle East due to a global shortage of medical workers.

But becoming a nurse requires at least four years of college studies, while a prospective chef can get a culinary certificate in a month. A diploma course would take about 14 months.

The short waiting time for a culinary diploma or certificate sometimes comes with a steep price.

At Gandler’s International School for Culinary Arts and Hotel Management, tuition fees for a 14-month culinary diploma course costs 310,000 pesos ($6,675), not easily affordable for the average Filipino, many of whom become maids or sailors instead.

Still, enrolment remains high even at the five-year-old school formed by Austrian chef Norbert Gandler, who has run five-star hotel kitchens in the Philippines.

“In fact, we even have a waiting list,” Gandler said, adding his school is now at its full capacity of 280 students per year.

Cooking up a storm

The Philippines sent out almost 8,400 people to kitchens all over the world last year, two-thirds of whom were chefs and cooks. In 2000, just under 1,900 Filipinos left to work in kitchens abroad.

That figure is small compared to the number of Filipinos who work abroad as domestic workers and sailors. An estimated 50,000 Filipinos left the country last year to work as maids for the first time, while about 230,000 Filipinos worked as seafarers.

“Someday, I can be like those who went before me and become successful in working abroad,” said 21-year-old Fitz Gerald Carpio, one of several students who drew out kitchen knives to compete at the Manila culinary festival last week.

There is high demand for Filipino chefs abroad, partly due to their English proficiency, diligence, and good work attitude.

“England is now looking for 300 chefs, they go around to competitions like this,” Michaela Fenix Makabenta, food columnist and editor in chief of Food Magazine, told Reuters on the sidelines of the food competition last week.

“You can imagine, we are sending them out as soon as they graduate,” she said. “It is the easiest route to going abroad. Like Australia, there is a high priority for chefs. If you apply, you will be hired right away.”

Filipino chefs can be found on cruise liners and in hospitals and military camps in the Middle East. The lucky ones may find jobs in cordon bleu restaurants or in kitchens in the palaces of Middle East sheikhs.

“I’ve been to a lot of restaurants. There’s always a Filipino guy in a kitchen anywhere in the world,” said Richard Tan, a chef and instructor at the Magsaysay Institute of Hospitality & Culinary Arts. ($1 = 46.44 pesos)

Letters from the call center workers (2)

Here’s the other letter from my aunt’s blog that I said I’d share with you (albeit a couple days late - sorry).

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Dear Ms. Susan,

I read your article on Our Times of the Panorama dated May 18, 2008 and felt the need to share my experience with the call center industry. I hope this would interest you. I also hope this may enlighten the minds of those people of my age as to what they might possibly encounter when they join the call center industry.

I am now 52 years old turning 53 in July. I have a husband 14 years my senior and has 3 children ages 24, 18 and 16. My eldest, a girl, works with a call center company at the HR Department. She used to be call agent after graduating from college. My second child is a boy now in 3rd year college and my youngest, also a boy, will be 4th year high this school year. I am a college graduate, my last employment was with a prestigious bank as a secretary to a Senior Officer. I resigned in 1983.

Sometime in 2004, I decided I should take advantage of the “equal opportunities” the call center industry has been offering. I went to a Job Fair at the Malacanang grounds. I was called up and interviewed at home by one of the companies I submitted my resume to. I was scheduled for a test the following day in Makati and luckily I passed. I chose the Alabang site because it is near my place in Las Pinas.

I was hired on November 16, 2004 and signed a contract to receive P12,500 basic pay and P1,500 food and transportation allowance.

Having no idea what to expect in the industry and in dire need of money to help out financially, I started training. My co-trainees were the ages of my children except for one who was then 54 years old. I said to myself it’s alright, I am a good person, anyway. But on day one, I heard some guys talk out loud in the vernacular “why are those here (pointing at me and the other old trainee), aren’t they suppose to stay at home and take care of their grandchildren?” I said to myself I shouldn’t be so sensitive. Different personalities, I assured myself.

At the training, we were always asked to form into teams of 5 members. There, we will make a name for our team, draw and color the team name and list some things the trainor ask for. Kid’s stuff. We were provided with huge paper, crayolas, pen markers, and not enough space to work. EVERYONE SHOULD WORK. These young guys and girls take their positions, some work on the floor, others on the table. It was OK with me. I work on the floor, too. There were times that I think it was even fun. We had different kinds of games. But one game that made me make a second thought about working for this industry was the “spell the word with your ass”. I felt so humiliated for myself.

Not that these kids are really disrespectful, not all of them, though, but they just don’t have patience with older co-trainees. I had friends there, but the others were just spoiled brats who show disrespect. They laugh at you at times, and blame you to the face when you make mistakes. Everything we did was a teamwork. In between these games, we did the Trainings.

Some trainers, although I couldn’t blame them, are impatient. They are used to the pace of these young people. Having no computer classes in my time, I self studied at home with my kids as my coaches and trainers. I am not as efficient as them but I do well. And the active brains of these young kids are maybe a mile away from mine.

I passed the two trainings I undergone, the Communications and Culture Training and the Products and Services Training and was ready for the Transition period in Alabang where we have to take actual calls from customers in the US. But almost every morning when I ride the bus to go home, my tears fall. I silently cry in the bus. I felt so violated by some of my young co-trainees and my trainer who sometimes smashes my computer monitor just to show me where the answers to the drills were. And being embarrassed in front of the entire group of trainees is not new to me. I said to myself if not only for the need to work to earn money, I wouldn’t be feeling this way. I am sure my kids would not be doing such disrespect to elders. I never expected there were kids who were like this. I was never violated like this in my entire life. Despite, I was thankful I overcame the difficulties and passed the training.

At the transition period, there were other trainers. Even worst trainers. They shout at almost all of us. They command, they do not train! They always say they wouldn’t be getting as much as they are getting now if they did not experience the same before, so it’s our time to get the same dose of it. They even call the Transition period “hell week”.

Much as I would like to stay and go through, my blood pressure rose to 200 I could already feel my ears pulsating on my headset. They were rattling us, they were embarrassing us, they were practically shouting at us. One of my co-trainees who never smoke went out that night and smoked for the first time because he was put on a stand and was embarrassed and pressured all the way. Trainers always say they are getting us used to the irate customers and we have to be ready.

I did not finish the Transition Period. I asked my husband to fetch me from the company at 2:30am. I didn’t even want to look back at the building. I was shaking and crying on the way home. I told one of the trainers I had my blood pressure checked and it was over 200 so I had to go home.

I filed my resignation thru FAX on January 4. I was just one step away from taking calls on my own on the floor, in my booth, but PRESSURE forced me to resign.

I purposely did not include the name of the company where I trained. If you would want the name, I could be reached thru email and my cel no. More power to you and thank you.

ALIAS - MRS. Q

Letters from the call center workers (1)

Recently my aunt wrote an article in the Philippine Panorama calling attention to the lives of Filipinos working at the call centers there. The call center industry is pretty big in the Philippines. I’m sure some of you have called customer support of some company and get an English-speaking Filipino on the other line.

In response to her article, some call center agents have written letters to her describing what they go through on a daily basis. Here’s one of them. I’ll show you another one tomorrow.

“…I wrote to tell you that I nearly cried when I read what you wrote last Sunday about the workers. I am a 28 years old call center quality analyst. Just like what you said I earn my keep daily. No work no pay. I would like to inform most of the people out there who are not aware of our situation. It is often assumed that we are earning very big and that’s it. But give me the chance to tell you our side of the story. We (from the call center industry) might be earning a little bigger than the usual. But since we work at night or U.S. office hours, we have to pay extra for our fare it’s either we take the cab or ride tricycles that charge extra fare at wee hours, or leave earlier so we can still catch the last trip of the MRT. Since we work at night our health is also at risk, we have to take extra vitamins or other health products to ensure our source of income.”

“We follow very strict rules which include our attendance and tardiness. Say we earn at least R500 to R800 a day less tax of not less than P2,000 every 10 to 15 days of pay minus our daily expenses and maintenance I assume we have a clean take home pay of at least R300. Not much compared to those who are from the different industry with lesser tax to pay.”

“Every time we celebrate a Philippine holiday we still have work we just get additional (not always double pay) pay. We are greatly affected every time the President would move the holiday to a Monday, because our shift starts at 9pm Monday. We are paid based on real time/Manila time so we get additional pay for only 3 hours instead of 8 hours. Say the Araw ng Kagitingan holiday was supposed to be celebrated Wednesday, the President moved it to Monday and we lost 5 hours of extra pay. Not only that, we can’t choose not to go to work because that could mean our job.”

“Since we work at night, the quality of our family time is also affected. Family time can never be paid by any amount. Unless you are born to a well-off family that can afford the luxuries in life, you just choose to work in the call center industry and make up with what ever you still can that is lost. We endure the hardship because we need the job, the food on the table, the medicine, shelter and education. For us, recreation is just a privilege and not a right anymore. We chose to stay here because we cannot leave our families behind or our skills and educational attainment are not enough. Despite these factors, we pay our taxes diligently though we cannot see the government’s effort to help us….”

All you need to know about dinengdeng (tagalog video)

Wow, I haven’t had this to eat for a very long time (since my family isn’t from the Ilocos region), but this makes want to try it again.

From the description that user bualaw08 posted on Youtube:

Dinengdeng Festival

Pinakbet, Bagnet, Papaitan are just some of the Ilocanos’ specialties. But there is one more dish that has become a staple in every Ilocano’s table: Dinengdeng. The dish is similar to Pinakbet but what gives it its unique flavor is fish paste or bagoong.

In Agoo, La Union, Dinengdeng is such a favorite dish that they celebrate an annual feast dedicated to it: the Dinengdeng Festival!

The Dinengdeng Festival also serves as a thanksgiving celebration for Agoo’s fishermen and farmers. The highlight of the festival is the presentation of 100 families of their Dinengdeng specialties, most of which are recipes handed down from previous generations.

This year, residents of Agoo will attempt a feat for the Guinness Book of World Records by presenting more than a hundred variations of their beloved Dinengdeng.

A briefing for the travelers

So after going to P-Grad and a couple of graduation parties, I gather that there are quite a few TP actives/alums that are heading to the Philippines as early as tomorrow.

So this post is directed to you guys. You probably know a lot of this already, but perhaps you will find some of it useful.

Weather

If you’re leaving Tuesday night, you’ll probably get there on Thursday morning Manila time if you’re going straight. Based on this site, expect a high of 32 and a low of 24 with the usual scattered thunderstorms. (Yes, you’re gonna want to brush up on the metric system.) It’s going to be like that for a while. One of my co-workers just got back from the Philippines and she was complaining to me all day about how hot and humid it was over there, so prepare yourself.

Looking at this radar it looks like a storm recently passed by, but I don’t see any typhoons headed your way, so I think you’ll be ok on that front. If, God forbid, one hits during your stay, I hope you’re not in a low-lying area if it happens….

Money!

According to this site the Peso-Dollar rate is 42.8 PHP = 1.0 USD. A little higher than what I recall it being a couple of months ago, but far below the 50-55 range that it used to be.

Food and gas is getting more expensive in the Philippines, like everywhere else.

Travel warnings?!

The US Department of State still has this travel warning in effect for the Philippines, specifically southern Mindanao and the Sulu Archipelago. Watch yourself out there no matter where you are.

Current events?

Things are relatively calm right now. As you’ll see, every news program in the Philippines usually leads with a political story about some alleged act of corruption by the government, unless something big like a storm, a Pacquiao fight, etc. happens. But things are stable there, for now. Come 2010, that won’t be the case, but anyways….

Transportation

Hahaha….

They just raised the fares again for jeepneys and buses (they had to due to gas). If you haven’t ridden on a jeepney or tricycle, you really should. There’s nothing like riding shotgun on a tricycle through the provinical roads.

In Manila, well good luck. Traffic sucked when I was over there 4 years ago, and I can’t see it improving.

Recommendations?

Around Manila, there’s always the malls. Robinsons, Power Plant, Glorietta, Greenhills, Greenbelt, Megamall, Mall of Asia…they’re pretty much self-explanatory.

There’s also the Global City near Fort Bonifacio….4 years ago there were a couple of high-rises and a whole lot of nothing on that space….it must be totally different now.

Go to Bulacan if you have the chance. I’m a bit biased since that’s my home province, but it’s pretty much right next to Manila and it’s home to towns/cities of different characters. A couple of them include….

• Meycauayan - Home of the Sta. Cruz Family (my mom’s side). Tons of jewelry can be found here. I wonder if the river’s still black.
• Bocaue - The Fireworks Capital of the Philippines. You should see this place around New Year’s.
• San Miguel - In my opinion the best Pastillas de Leche comes from this town.
• Malolos - the capital of the 1st Philippine Republic. If you’re going here, you should go to Barasoain Church (where it all began).
• Hagonoy - Last, but not least. Home of the Ople Family (my dad’s side). To me it’s an ideal place. Not too far away from the craziness that is Manila, but far enough. Lots and lots of fish around here.

Other than that…Tagaytay’s pretty nice when I was last there. Go see the Taal Volcano while you’re at it. Baguio’s nice too if you’re OK with a long ride. Then, of course, Boracay. You’re all pretty much going there so there’s no need to describe it here.

In conclusion, have fun, and stay safe. If you feel the need to blog about your experience, let me know. - R

From playing in front of 50,000 to getting booed off the country

A recent conversation I had with my father (where, among other things, he recalled how he went to two packed Commodores gigs at Araneta Coliseum back in the 60s) led me to do a bit of research about an event I really didn’t know much about until now.

The event I speak of is the Beatles in 1966 playing 2 large concerts in Manila and then getting booed and harassed out of the Philippines.

So how can such a thing happen?

According to this site, on 7/4/66 the Beatles played two concerts at Rizal Memorial Football Coliseum with a combined attendance of 80,000. (They played while Ferdinand and Imelda Marcos were in power; however, this was before martial law was declared in 1972.) Before these 2 concerts…

“a lunch was set at Malacañang Palace at 11 a.m. with 300 children waiting to see The Beatles. An hour before the party, a delegation came to the Manila Hotel to collect The Beatles. Brian Epstein, The Beatles’ manager, declined the invitation on the grounds that no earlier arrangement had been made and The Beatles were still in bed.

The day’s scheduled concerts, however, later proceeded successfully. In between concerts, local televisions reported the alleged “snub” showing footages of children, some crying, disappointed by The Beatles. Epstein watched in horror and went immediately to the television studio to apologize and set the facts straight. But barely had he started reading his press statement when the transmission blipped.

Newspapers carried the headline, “Beatles Snub President.” The following morning was the scheduled departure of The Beatles to New Delhi. Suddenly, The Beatles and their entourage realized they were practically on their own without any help: Room and transportation services were withdrawn. In the airport, the whole Beatles entourage was manhandled as it made its way to the plane.”

The Beatles eventually got to New Delhi, but they did not appreciate how they were pretty much booed off the Philippines. Someone put up on Youtube parts of a Beatles interview where they describe how they were treated and vow never to go there again (a vow which they kept).

One can also see in the above clip a small glimpse of what the Philippines was like in the Marcos years before martial law.

Get the round fruits, put money in your pockets, turn all the lights on, and open all the windows…!

…it’s 2008!

Happy New Year to one and all!

A film series with 8 sequels has to do something right

The last time I went to the Philippines during Christmas 2003, I was treated to many trips to the theaters in Robinsons and in the Power Plant where I saw a lot of Filipino films like Crying Ladies, Malikmata (haha), Filipinas, and of course, Captain Barbell. It’s not like I had much choice, though–from Christmas to the first week of January, no foreign films are shown throughout the Philippines (well, for the most part I think). This is the time of the Metro Manila Film Festival.

Someone posted on Wikipedia the 9 entries to this year’s Festival. Here they are:

1. Enteng Kabisote 4
2. Sakal, Sakali, Saklolo
3. Resiklo
4. Bahay Kubo
5. Shake, Rattle & Roll 9
6. Katas Ng Saudi
7. Desperadas
8. Anak Ng Kumander
9. Banal

In what has become the usual trend, sequels and prequels are very prominent in the lineup. An excerpt from an Inquirer article about some of the movies:

“Despite this, sequels dominate this year’s Metro Manila Film Festival, with last year’s front-runner, “Kasal, Kasali, Kasalo,” following up with “Sakal, Sakali, Saklolo,” which focuses on lead star couple Judy Ann Santos and Ryan Agoncillo’s characters’ post-wedding bliss—and blues.

For his part, film fest favorite Vic Sotto is wrapping up work on a prequel to his hit “Enteng Kabisote” fantasy flicks. Titled “Enteng Kabisote 4,” the movie nevertheless “starts from the very beginning” in terms of plotting the initial links forged between its human and magical characters. Sotto and Kristine Hermosa star.

And “Shake, Rattle and Roll 9” features three spooky episodes starring a multigenerational mix of veteran and young leads and supporting players.”

Yes, a film series in its 9th iteration. At least the films Star Wars/Star Trek/James Bond franchises don’t put the number in the official title.

One of the films, Anak ng Kumander, stars none other than Manny Pacquiao. You want to see Manny go Rambo on everyone? Well, here you go.

These aren’t your everyday parols

For the past 3 years or so, I have attended the first Simbang Gabi Mass at the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels in Downtown LA. This Mass always fills the Cathedral to capacity with Filipinos from the many parishes of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles. Before the Mass, there is always a “Parade of Parols” in which representatives of the LA Archdiocese parishes that celebrate Simbang Gabi parade down the Cathedral center aisle with a parol. They all come in different shapes, sizes, and colors (although some of them looked very similar to each other, as if they were bought at the same place or made by the same person).

If one drives through a Filipino neighborhood at night during this time of year, he/she will see many of these parols hanging outside many homes. Some of these parols can be very elaborate in terms of design and light patterns.

I bet they’re not as elaborate as these parols.

These are the giant parols that are part of the Ligligan Parul Festival held every year in San Fernando, Pampanga (widely known as the “Christmas Capital of the Philippines” because of this festival and the fact that a lot of parols are made there).

Here’s an excerpt from an article about the festival written by Ivan Anthony S. Henares:

“This predecessor of the modern day Giant Lantern Festival was actually a religious activity which we know today as “lubenas.” The lanterns measured just two feet in diameter, a far cry from the fifteen feet that we see today. These were created in each barrio from bamboo and other locally available materials. During the nine-day novena before Christmas, which coincided with the simbang gabi from December 16 to 24, these paruls were brought around each barrio in procession to their visita. Before the midnight Mass on Christmas Eve, the lanterns were brought to the town church together with the barrio patrons.

This tradition gradually evolved as the lanterns became bigger and the designs more intricate. Later, one big lantern was made for each barrio, which was created through a cooperative effort. Each resident contributed to its construction, from the concept and design, to the materials and labor. In the end, these lanterns became a symbol of unity for the barrios.

It was in the year 1931 that electricity was introduced to the San Fernando lantern, thus sparking the birth of the first Giant Lantern Festival. The added illusion of dancing lights highlighted the bright colors and intricate designs of these Giant Lanterns. At this time, the lights were controlled by individual switches that were turned on and off following the beat of the music.”

Do any TP’ers have parols that their families hang in front of their homes? Email me pictures and I’d be glad to share them.

Author’s note: Sorry about the extended hiatus - work got to me. Actually, it’s still getting to me, but at least I have some time now to update this blog on a more frequent basis. Merry Christmas everyone!

Valentine’s Day (and the lack of divorce law) in the Philippines

…Just wanted to share with you all a Reuters article that I found today. Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Filipinos celebrate Valentine’s Day discreetly

By Karen Lema Mon Feb 12, 10:17 PM ET

The days before and after February 14 are red-hot for the Philippines’ motel industry.

In this largely Roman Catholic country, Valentine’s Day is spent with wives and husbands. But its eve and aftermath are reserved for lovers.

“The busiest days for us are February 13 and 15,” said Steve Perez, assistant business manager of Manila’s Victoria Court…”

(go see for yourself here)

“…a drive-in hotel that specializes in discreet reservations.

The budget hotel, which has a lady with a finger over her lips as its logo, has 106 rooms and they are all occupied during what Filipinos jokingly refer to as days for “No.2 or No.3″ Love, marriage and children are heavily emphasized in this Southeast Asian country, where syrupy ballads top the charts and Valentine’s Day is celebrated in a red and pink riot of roses, hearts and cupids.

But despite widespread devotion to the Catholic faith, extramarital affairs are often accepted in the Philippines, where divorce is illegal and a macho culture encourages men to father several families.

Sociologists say hundreds of thousands of people remain locked in loveless unions and seek relationships elsewhere.

“If I had an option I would leave my wife,” said a 29-year-old man, who asked not to be named. He said he had been having an affair for seven months.

The Philippines and Malta are the only countries in the world without a divorce law. Many Filipinos are opposed to such legislation, fearing it could disrupt family life and their religious beliefs.

Couples can file for annulments but they must convince the courts that their marriage was void to begin with. They can also aim for a legal separation but that would prevent them from re-marrying.

Faced with such hurdles, most unhappy married couples stick it out. Some look for love elsewhere.

MISTRESS ETIQUETTE

While men have been the traditional protagonists of affairs, Filipino women, particularly in the more permissive urban milieux, are increasingly taking the lead.

“Before, women coming in to our hotel would hide their faces but now they have become more open,” Perez said. “Sometimes the women are even the one on the driver’s seat.”

An etiquette book for mistresses, written by Julie Yap Daza (she wrote it in 1994; she also wrote Manners for Moving Up, a “Filipino guide to the art of social climbing”), a television talk-show host and columnist, is a bestseller at local bookstores.

Daza tells mistresses they are “holiday orphans,” who must be “ready to give up Valentine’s Day, Christmas Day, New Year’s Day, Holy Week and even her man’s birthday.” For as Rule No.1 in her book says, “Mistress is not Mrs. Know your place.”

Celebrities or politicians changing partners with the regularity of square dancers have been a staple of Philippine gossip columns and a wandering eye is not a liability on the election stump.

Deposed president Joseph Estrada was swept to power in 1998 despite fathering children with several women.

A number of divorce bills have been filed in Congress but none have succeeded due to opposition from priests and Christian groups.

“Reality tells us that there are many failed, unhappy marriages across all Filipino classes,” said Lisa Maza (of the Gabriela Women’s Party), author of a divorce bill.

“Many couples especially from the marginalized sectors, who have no access to courts, simply end up separating without the benefit of legal processes.”

Maza’s bill proposes to allow, among others, the much-abused excuse - “irreconcilable differences” - as grounds to end a marriage.

The 5,000 plus annulment cases pending in courts show that there are many couples who are desperate to get out of failed unions, Maza said.

But sociology Professor Josephine Aguilar said divorce was not the solution.

“Everything could be resolved through proper communication,” said Aguilar, who got married last year.

“Couples should not just accept the pluses of their partners but also their minuses because when you accept that, you will understand the idea of a perfect marriage.”

A 46-year-old father of two, interviewed by Reuters, agreed. The man, who asked not to be identified, said he will not miss the subterfuge around Valentine’s Day so he can slip off for an assignation with his mistress.

His affairs devastated his family and eventually “guilt” seeped in.

“I chose to stay with my family because it was the right thing to do, not just morally, but for everyone to be happy,” he said. “I have learned not to expect anything from my wife and just accept her as a gift from God.”